


to: my number one

by inacherii



Series: letters to you (alone) [1]
Category: Ame no Mori Kawa Umi/雨ノ森 川海, BEYOOOOONDS (Band), CHICA#TETSU, Hello! Project
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt, F/F, emotional hurt without much comfort, hurt: beyooooonds edition!, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22195318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inacherii/pseuds/inacherii
Summary: reina likes to remember the many things they shared, and now the only thing she has left is a box of letters.
Relationships: Ichioka Reina/Shimakura Rika
Series: letters to you (alone) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651609
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	to: my number one

Reina took a deep, deep breath as she walked out of the train station. The spring morning is particularly harsh to her, she’d already gotten up two hours too late that morning and her allergies were relentless. But she’d decided on getting out of bed on a Sunday, and the only person who could get her out of bed on a Sunday was her girlfriend. 

About a week has passed since they’d last seen each other, it’s not even that long of a time but Reina can still feel her chest tighten. She turns towards the door of the shop, where she’s met by Rika’s sparkling eyes. 

“My hoodie is really working for you!” The girl with the matching beige hoodie waddles towards her, rubbing her arms because of the cold wind that day. “Maybe you should get in some ripped jeans? I think they’d really fit you, Icchan.” Reina holds one of her hands up and Rika instantly reaches to hold it. “Ah! You’re warm!”

Reina laughs at her, pulling her closer into a small hug even though she’s not really into them. Rika’s known to dislike hugs, but as she once said, Reina’s hugs were extra cuddly. The way Rika melts into her every time makes Reina feel like jelly. She misses this.

“How am I supposed to get new jeans if I spend all of my money on your food?” Most of her wallet is dedicated to her anyway, as much as her girlfriend could boast about it, she’s pretty watchful about getting Reina broke. Reina places an arm around Rika and shields her from the wind, taking her inside the warm cafe. The cafe is small, cute, and it happens to be Rika’s favorite place to be. 

“I’m just messing with you Icchi, I’ll take you out next weekend.” Rika clings to her arm like a koala, resting her head against Reina’s shoulder as she views the menu. No matter how long Rika stares at the menu, Reina already knows she’ll get a lavender tea. As for herself, she thinks she’ll let Rika choose for her. “I would suggest we go today, but you look really tired..” They’re just about to order, but Rika turns to Reina and holds her cheeks, leaving her to grin like an idiot. “What’s up?”

“Just work stressing me out.” Though Reina has to quickly pull away so Rika could order for her, she wonders. _Why am I so tired? Maybe just stressed out?_ She has a gut feeling, and usually she’s never wrong. 

Rika quickly finishes ordering, telling Reina to turn around even though Reina says it’s silly so she could surprise her. Then, she takes Reina’s hand and drags her to a booth in the corner of the place. It’s a cute little corner decorated with fairy lights and a little cactus.

“Remember our first date here? You were so awkward.” The booth has a lot of space, and normally someone would sit on the opposite side, but Rika preferred to sit next to Reina. She argues it’s a waste of space, but Rika says it’s just comfier that way. 

Reina huffs, playfully shaking Rika’s head with one hand. “Hey! You were awkward too. You spent twenty minutes deciding on a drink, and you even recommended the place!” 

“Well, that’s because my order is supposed to reveal at least something about me. I wanted to order brown sugar, but that just makes me look basic.” She sighs, stirring a little in her seat. Rika has always been too complicated for her own good. “But now that I think back on it, I don’t think you understood or even cared about it.” 

“Yeah, silly.” Reina tapped her finger to the beat of the music playing, some old pop music that doesn’t fail to make her cringe a little. “I still don’t get it.” 

“Well, yeah, but I just wanted to look back, you know? It’s been a really long time..” Rika rests her head on Reina’s shoulder again, something about her touch doesn’t feel right. She knows Rika, they’ve been together for three years now, she knows when Rika is hiding her tears. Reina reaches for Rika’s face and looks her in the eye, she’s not crying but her eyes are watery. “I’m just really nostalgic right now, our anniversary is coming up and I wanted to come back here again okay? And I have a little headache.” 

“Rika, we come here whenever you’re craving. That’s like every two weeks.” 

“Still!” Their drinks come in, at least she hears the server come by but Rika is quick to cover her eyes and gives the server thanks. “It’s because I think of you a lot, and I love you, a lot.” Rika stumbles a little but she finally lets Reina see when she pulls her hand away. It’s her usual drink, a matcha latte, except there’s a small message written on it by the server. 

“Happy 35 months and twenty days since your first date here?” Reina laughs, looking at the handwritten message and back at the server, who’s nodding so vigorously that her short hair bounces up and down. She’s nothing short of heartwarmed, confused too, but mostly heartwarmed. “Wait, we could’ve done this on the actual anniversary day.” 

Rika burst out laughing, pulling at one of Reina’s cheeks. “It’s just to mix it up a little! By the way, I knew you’d be busy on the actual anniversary day because Miyo said you have something due the day after.” She sighs, reminded about the term paper due soon. “I also knew you wouldn’t do it until the day before, so I thought today was the next best day. Because you’re my number one favorite person in the world, you know?” That’s what Rika always refers to her as, the “number one favorite person in the world.” It sounds just a little weird, but the way she says it never fails to play around Reina’s heart. After all, this was the place of their first date (and many more), and they’d always touched Reina’s insecurities. She’d worried her entire life about not being good enough, until Rika came into the picture. The girl pulling at her cheeks and blowing her kisses at the moment.

“You know me so much it’s kinda scary.” 

“I’m your girlfriend? I feel like I should know these things.”

“Alright, alright.” Reina ruffles up Rika’s hair, kissing the top of her head sweetly. “Happy early anniversary.” Before Rika can correct her, Reina says it quickly. “Of our first date.” 

They stay and enjoy the nostalgic scenery for a while, drinking milk tea together on a cold, windy, Sunday morning.

Later that night, Rika suddenly declares that she’s bored and proposes that she and Reina watch Disney movies until they can’t open their eyes anymore. But Reina has to tell her it’s an awful idea considering Rika has a lecture tomorrow, and so does Reina. 

“You do realize that we have class tomorrow?” 

“Yeah!” Rika has a playful grin as she paces back and forth in their shared apartment, listing all the things she wants to do. “I really wanna watch The Little Mermaid, and I wanna eat popcorn, and hug you all night. It’s just, I feel like I’ve forgotten so many things, so I wanna do them again!” 

Reina scoffs, placing her phone down on the kitchen counter. “You? Forget what my hugs feel like? That’s not right.” Rika screams loud enough for the neighbors to hear as Reina starts chasing her through their kitchen. “Give me a hug!” 

“I was kidding!” As they run around and around the kitchen, Rika suddenly turns around and gets tackled by Reina, hitting them both to the kitchen floor. They decide that the kitchen floor is their new spot, mostly because Reina’s leg hurts too much to get up, and Rika hugs her in that same way again. In moments like these, Reina truly believes that soulmates exist. “I’m gonna miss this, me and you.”

Reina is confused for the most part, as she always is with whatever Rika says, but she’s got a gut feeling. 

And it doesn’t feel great.

They’d spent the entire night watching Disney movies (as much as Reina opposed it, Rika kept insisting) and in the end Reina eventually had to fall asleep without moving, as Rika was sleeping on her shoulder. It was early morning at that point, and Reina had woken up in that exact position.

“Rika?” Reina gently shakes Rika awake, the last time they’d actually slept together like this. Thankfully, Reina’s instincts let her wake up at just the time they should be getting ready to leave for their lectures. “Hey, wake up.”

Rika stirred a bit, still holding onto Reina’s arm. It felt really sore, so if she wanted to move her arm, she couldn’t. “Too early.” 

“Rika, it’s seven.” They’d stayed up until three from what Reina could recall, they’d been watching the Lion King until suddenly she couldn’t remember anything past that. “Come on, every lecture is extra important. You have an exam next week!” No matter what she said, Rika wouldn’t move. Instead, Reina took it to herself to grab Rika with all her strength and hoisted her up. “There, now that you’re up, please get out of your pajamas.” Her efforts went to waste, as Rika only fell back onto the couch. Rika was whining about how much she didn’t want to go, but Reina ignored it, dragging her by the legs to their room. 

Reina would miss this, too.

“Icchan, hurry!”

They’d just gotten out of the train station onto campus, they got on the late train because Rika had spent such a long time deciding on which shoes to wear. Just now, they were running onto campus, just about a minute or two late to their lectures. They reached the facility where Rika studied biology, she was aiming to become a doctor, which was as far as possible from where Reina was supposed to be. Throughout the year, Reina’s taken a lot of sacrifices just to drop her off at the building. 

“Alright.” Reina pulled Rika for a hug as Rika feigned annoyance, sighing but still hugging Reina back with just as much force. “You should focus today, it’s important.”

Reina fixed the uneven strings of Rika’s sweater and smiled softly. “I know, I know. I’ll do it for you!” 

Rika turned around to head inside the hall, before she could, Reina called out to her. 

“I love you, Rika.” 

The door had already closed before Rika had a chance to hear her. 

The lecture had ended, Thank God, because today really wasn’t Reina’s day. The four hours of sleep she’d gotten that night hadn’t been working for her well. She couldn’t pay attention at all. 

It was early in the afternoon when she left, just in time for lunch, so Reina made her routinely walk to the bioscience building to pick up her girlfriend. She was a little early, so she was able to wait outside of the building on a bench. The bench was in the shade of a sycamore tree near the building, it was also where Rika and Reina often talked over lunch. Reina remembers the time when they made lunch together for their own picnic here. 

“Excuse me?” 

A girl, short in size, with long, frizzy hair had approached her. Naturally, she looked disgruntled, but Reina wasn’t one to make assumptions. “Are you Ichioka-san?”

“Yes?” Reina set her bag down and looked towards the girl with confusion. Maybe it had to do with Rika, at least that’s what her gut was saying. Maybe she just had to stay in with the teacher sometimes, Rika often stayed back to talk to the professor but she’d never sent anyone to tell her, at least from what she remembered. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m not sure.” The statement confused her even more, maybe something was really off. “Shimakura-san left in the middle of the lecture today saying she had a headache, but I don’t really know anything after that..” The girl jumped back in fright when Reina had suddenly shot up out of her seat. “I just thought I should tell you, so you don’t have to wait..” 

“Oh..” Reina picked up her bag slowly, trying to process the information. Rika always at least told her about anything that bothered her, and it didn’t seem like she was bothered at all this morning. They weren’t the type to keep secrets. “Thanks for telling me, I really appreciate it.” The girls exchanged goodbyes, but at this point, Reina didn’t exactly know what to do. Sure, she could go back to their apartment and maybe Rika would be there, but she couldn’t be so sure. Reina had just started to walk to the train station, until her phone started buzzing in her pocket. It was the fastest she’d ever picked up her phone. 

“Hello? Is this Ichioka Reina?” Reina didn’t know the caller ID, but they did get her name right.

“Yes, and who is this?”

“This is the Tokyo Medical University Hospital speaking.” As soon as she’d heard, she stopped in her tracks. “We’ve had Shimakura Rika in our care for approximately two hours, and she wants to see you.” 

“Is there a reason why she’s there? Is she okay?”

The other end pauses, there’s an inaudible murmuring here and there. “We don’t know how to tell you this, but..” Reina’s heartbeat progressively gets faster and faster. “We believe that she’s going to pass away soon.”

Oh.

She made a run for the main street to catch a taxi. In the end, Reina’s gut feeling was right. 

Something really was going to go wrong.

Reina dashed into the hospital, dodging her way towards the reception desk completely breathless and fatigued. The receptionist didn’t look too fazed about her appearance.

“Shimakura Rika, please.” 

The response was almost robotic. “Room 106, third floor to the right.”

“Thank you!” Reina ran to the thankfully open and empty elevator and hit the third button, she’s shaking and on the verge of tears. She doesn’t want to lose Rika at all. She knew she was going to lose her, but not so soon, and most definitely not because of her death. The elevator was moving way too slowly, and all she had on her mind was to question how all of this could’ve happened so quickly. Finally, the elevator opened and there was nobody expecting to get on the elevator, so Reina turned right and sprinted through bright white halls until she found the 106. 

She burst her way into the room and it was busy, full of nurses and doctors. Reina pushed her way through and found Rika. She was pale, her eyes were weak and her face was almost expressionless. Their eyes met and life came back to Rika’s eyes. 

“Reina!” Naturally, Reina held Rika even though she was in her deathbed, and they held onto each other like they were each their own world. “I was worried that you wouldn’t make it.”

Reina stares into Rika’s now glossy eyes, she wants to ask what has happened to her but for some reason she can’t even bring herself to speak. “It’s going to be okay, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was just worried that maybe, maybe you would get too stressed out because of it. It’s selfish, I know, but I didn’t want to bother you.” She’s trying hard not to interrupt her, to tell her it was okay to tell her she should’ve known as soon as possible. Rika reassuringly holds onto Reina’s arms, but Reina’s heart is still beating with fear. “Everything is going to be alright, even without me.” 

“But–” 

“No buts!” Rika laughs and it’s admirable, Reina thinks, how she could laugh at such a time like this. “You’re going to be okay..” Reina almost yells when Rika winces, and the nurses lay her back onto the bed, they hold each others hands with everything they have. “Live happily, even though this feels like the end for us. I want you to move on from me, keep living and keep chasing your train conductor dreams, Reina. I want you to be happy.” 

Rika’s face gets even more pale, and the smile leaves her face almost immediately. Her hand reaches up for Reina’s cheek, and Reina moves her face closer to Rika’s. Rika holds her cheek, and whispers to her. 

“Check under the bed.” Rika leaves a sharp exhale into Reina’s ear. It’s the end, she fears. It’s the end for the both of us here.

“Rika..”

Reina pulls back to look at Rika’s face for the last time. 

“You will always be my number one, Reina.” 

She watches the life run out of Rika’s eyes, and she dies right in front of her. Only then does Reina begin to cry. 

Reina stays with her, as long as she could, until she’s told to leave as Rika’s lifeless body is taken away from her. 

Something really did go wrong.

It would take her too long of a time to just forget what had just happened to her.

It felt like it had really just happened to her the day before, but in reality, Rika had died three months ago. Reina had stayed at her friend’s apartment for the time being, she couldn’t even think about going into their apartment ever again. One of her friends even had to go in and clean the fridge out for her, though she’s also a clean freak, so she really helped Reina out.

Reina still hadn’t been able to open the box under their bed, obviously. 

Every time she tried to go to sleep, it haunted her. Reina didn’t want to remember. 

She went on a temporary leave from her schooling, work, everything that would make Rika angry if she was still here to scold her. In short, Reina misses her a lot.

Reina is sitting at the same booth in the cafe, on a Sunday morning when she could barely get up. She can’t seem to get a grip on herself, and it feels like she’s starting to hallucinate. 

She sees their first date.

_“Hey..”_

_“Hey..!” Rika sits across from her, excited and bubbly. “Do you like dinosaurs?”_

She sees their first anniversary.

_“Rika!”_

_“Hey, Icchan!” They haven’t even sat down, they’re just hugging each other so tightly that Rika’s able to pick her up off the floor. “I looooove you!”_

She sees their first breakup.

_“I’m really sorry.” Reina sighs, twiddling her thumbs as she bites her lip. “I hope you can forgive me, I didn’t mean to lash out at you like that.”_

_Rika reaches over to hold Reina’s hand, her gaze warm and gentle. “I forgive you, for everything.”_

And then she sees nothing, or so she thinks she might be back in the present. 

“Hey!” Rika slides onto the other side of the booth, placing two drinks on the table. One she could recognize as her own favorite drink, and the other was new to Reina. “I got you a drink, just to make sure you were okay.” 

“Yeah.. Um..” Reina doesn’t really know how to respond, especially since Rika had died in front of her eyes months ago. “I think I’m doing okay.” 

“Glad to hear that!” Rika claps for her, popping in the straw on her drink for her. Reina had always had trouble with that. “It’s good to know you’re doing just fine.” 

Reina reaches for Rika’s hand, but she feels it tense a little. That’s when she blinks again, except now Rika’s gone. It’s the cafe owner now, Kurumi. “Oh, oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Before Reina could pull her hand back, Kurumi reaches for it and smiles at her sincerely. Reina could feel that Kurumi was sharing her feelings. 

“It’s okay. I’m here to check up on you.” Kurumi chuckles, holding onto Reina’s hands like glass. “You’re going to be okay, trust me.” 

Reina believes something about this encounter was a sign, and she also believes that maybe she'll actually be okay. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” 

Kurumi had driven Reina to the old apartment after sharing her concern for Reina’s well being. Reina didn’t actually believe she was ready to step back in. 

“I’m sure.” Reina’s breaths are heavy, and she’s starting to feel nervous. “I think I’ll be okay.”

“Alright, I’ll be waiting outside. You can call me if you need help, okay?” Reina nods, opening the door and stepping outside. “Take your time.”

Reina walks back up the familiar stairs, walks through the familiar hallways, and turns the familiar key in the familiar door. She’s met face to face with a wave of nostalgia, but she can’t tell if it’s good or bad. 

The furniture is just as they left it, except for a few things made tidy. Almost immediately Reina turned to their bedroom down the hall. She reached under their bed to find a moderately sized, light blue box decorated with lavender flowers. It looked like Rika painted them on herself. 

Reina set the box onto the desk, opening it to see stacks on stacks of neatly organized letters. Though one stood out to her, it had a highlighted neon yellow piece of tape stuck on it. It looked like it was meant to be the first one. It was surrounded by others, each labeled with different dates and different occasions. Some prepared for future anniversaries, for her birthdays, even some ones dedicated to words of advice. Rika’s work here was intricate, and it must have taken a lot of effort to do a life’s worth of letters.

She picked up the letter with the highlighted tape, the date was six months before Rika had passed. Delicately, Reina tore the letter open. 

_January 9th, 2019._

_To: my number one_

_For when the time comes._

_Dear my dearest Icchan!_

_If you’re reading this now, you hopefully didn’t find this before you should’ve. But knowing you, I think you’re just seeing this awhile after I told you to find this box._

_I’m really, really genuinely sorry about the pain I’ve caused you._

_I was really selfish. I didn’t want you to know because I wanted to keep you happy. To be frank, you’re not a lot of fun when you’re worried about something._

_I’ve known about my illness since about last year. I don’t know much about it, but I do know it had to do with my brain. I hoped you didn’t notice my headaches, or how I’ve started to forget things. But I had a feeling you picked up early on._

_I know that by the time you read this letter, I’m dead. Isn’t that just a little bit interesting? That I’m talking to you in the present, even though I’d already died in the past. Kinda cool, don’t you think? I digress, but what I want to tell you is to be happy. I want you to be able to live on to the future! I want you to chase your dreams. So live them for me, Icchan!_

_I know it might be asking a little much (hehe), but I want you to move on. You’re not going to be happy if you don’t move on, right? So I hope these letters really do help you. I want you to stay on the right track, stay in school, keep up with your friends, find yourself a new girlfriend. Having the same girlfriend for a while must have been at least a little boring for you, right?_

_I want you to do this for me, okay? Be happy! Live out life the way you want to, live freely and without anything to worry about._

_Please don’t beat yourself up over any of this. None of this was your fault, Reina. You are always so much better than you make yourself out to be. I really really love you, you dork._

_I’ll always be here for you when you’re sad, happy, anything it calls for. I may not be alive anymore, but you will always, always be my number one._

_Love you too,  
Rika. _

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t think i have anything to say except.. Follow me @4zecherry on twitter for tweets every two months!


End file.
